Rejection as Freedom
Rejection can hurt like hell. It can feel like someone took a knife and stabbed you right in the chest. And I’m not just talking about being rejected romantically (been there though), I’m also talking about being rejected by someone you admire professionally, by a friend, acquaintance, job opportunity…the list goes on.
I’ve always been someone who has had a really hard time dealing with rejection. Growing up an only child, I like to be liked and included. Well into my adult life, I’ve desperately tried to understand “the why” behind said rejection – why I wasn’t good enough, or the right fit, for x, y, or z. I’m embarrassed to admit how much time I’ve spent obsessing over rejection, unable to move forward or let go in many relationships or situations.
Until recently…an old friend rejected me and something shifted in how I experienced rejection as I knew it. There was no dance about it; this was a hard reject. I didn’t see it coming, but it made me see things differently. It showed me that I needed this rejection to free myself of a friendship that I was holding on to – one that no longer existed, but was taking up way too much of my energy.
The back-story: I went to high school and college with this friend. Like many teenage girls, we had our ups and downs but had been in a good place since college. While we weren’t super close, we shared the same friend group, had a reunion after school, and exchanged phone and email updates a few times a year. Looking back, I’ll admit that I didn’t make a huge effort to plan sequential reunions. But for me, it felt organic when we did catch up; and it was not for lack of trying to get together when we were in close proximity.
Flash-forward a couple of years and we both got engaged! Without even thinking it was weird, I texted her and asked for her address to invite her to my wedding. Blind-sided, she didn’t skip a beat to reject me…hard. For her, the friendship was long over and she didn’t see a point in me even giving her the option to politely decline the invite. She wanted me to know she had no interest in continuing the friendship. In that moment, I was surprised, hurt, and little bit angry.
After some time to process, and not react, I felt like a weight was lifted. I may never understand “the why”…but I now realize that I don’t need to understand. I’ve come to find that usually how someone acts or treats me is a reflection of how they feel about themselves. I have to remind myself of this constantly in life. It’s probably less about me, and more likely about something they may be going through.
Moral of the story: I thank this old friend for the perspective shift and I wish her nothing but happiness. Her rejection has allowed me to free up space to focus my energy on the wonderful people who do want to be in my life, who value my friendship and love!
Relating it back to yoga, I no longer take it personally when a student leaves my class early – it could be too hot in the room for them, they might have another commitment to attend to, etc. I choose to take my ego out of it. The why doesn’t matter; I choose to focus on the other human beings who are still in the flow with me.