Asking for Help

Asking for help is hard for me. It always has been, ever since I can remember.

I’m someone who feels great achieving things on my own whether it’s learning something new or challenging like training for my first half marathon. It’s hard to admit this but I like the feeling of accomplishment by myself, for myself.

I grew up an only child so perhaps it has something to do with that – maybe it’s just the way I’m wired or how I’ve been conditioned based on my life experiences. I don’t know. I haven’t thought of this character trait as necessarily bad or good – it’s just who I am. But who we are, or rather who we think we are, doesn’t have to stay the same. We’re constantly evolving; what used to work for us may no longer work as we transition into different phases of our lives.

My husband likes to remind me, and laugh, about that one time we went fly-fishing and I told him, “Stop trying to teach me how to cast, I’m trying to learn.” It was in that moment I realized that this construct of who I am, or who I think I have to be, has followed me well into my adulthood.

If you know me at all, there is no missing that I’m incredibly stubborn; it’s borderline excruciating to ask for, let alone accept, help from others. And the truth is that narrative, which I’ve built up over the years, is no longer working for me. If I’m being honest, it hasn’t worked for a while – personally and professionally.

Whether it’s something as lighthearted as learning my way around the kitchen, casting a fishing rod, or more personal like learning how to get into an advanced yoga pose, I’ve been reluctant to ask for or receive help. While I can take feedback, I tend to turn constructive or negative commentary into “how can I fix this,” improve, get better…on my own.

Then the global pandemic hit. Many of you can probably relate to the overwhelming feeling of anxiety faced as most of us were, and still are, required to stay home. For me, it has meant getting completely and utterly uncomfortable with myself. With no normal routine and less distraction, I’ve had to sit with my thoughts, insecurities, and fears – and that story of asking for help consistently comes up.

The first step is awareness, right? I’m noticing all of the areas in my life where I’ve been resistant to help, collaboration, and essentially my growth. When I notice it in real time, I’m consciously making the decision to get out of my comfort zone – to not just ask for feedback, but actual help or assistance.
 

Over the last month in quarantine, I think I’ve asked for help more than I probably have in the past few years combined. It’s been a tough pill for me to swallow, especially financially. I had to set aside my ego and ask for the government’s help for the first time in my life by filing for unemployment. And it wasn’t that bad once I let go of my narrative that this has anything to do with my success.

I’ve asked friends for help in their areas of expertise – with social media ideas for Salt Lake Yogi. I had a call with an old college friend to learn more about SEO and metrics. It was actually pretty cool to get her insight and catch up. I’ve also asked for friends’ help and connections to grow my virtual yoga community. Through those simple asks I’ve connected with so many incredible people from all over the world. 

Even though it’s still uncomfortable for me to utter those four simple words – “Can you help me?” – I truly feel that we aren’t meant to do life on our own. Ironically, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized how much we need each other more often than not. And I’m not just talking about our family or partners – we need help from our colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances, and strangers from all walks of life.